Warning. I will mention periods in this post. Yes, the girl kind. So if you’re a guy (ahem, my husband) and you’re reading this…….girls get periods. We talk about them sometimes. Makes the world go round.
Day 1: Tears.
Monday morning I woke up bright and chipper for work at 3:45am. BAM! My monthly friend decided to show up. I was kind of shocked because I hadn’t been acting completely wonkers in the days leading up. Normally, I’m a wreck and it’s super evident that my period is coming. Well, there she was!!! Then, it hit me…… “Dang, I’m not pregnant.” I guess I haven’t really been on my raw-organic-vegan-gluten-free diet that prepares my body for conception or seen my husband lately, so I wasn’t too surprised. Even so, the disappointment was starting to set in.
What now??? I know!!! I’ll just dress cute and comfy for work and my day will be better.
Well, my friends, sometimes what looks cute in your head will be the weirdest outfit your co-workers have ever seen. Bobby: “Hey, you headed out to the frontier later?” Lunchbox: “Where did you get that ugly sweater? You look like Harry from ‘Dumb & Dumber’ Bwaahahahaha!!”
Long story short………. I have to leave the room to go cry. Yes, real tears. Because of a sweater. I go into Alayna’s studio and she asks what is wrong. Me: “The guys are making fun of my sweater.” The second those words left my mouth, I knew that was cleeeeaarly my period talking…not the “real” me. Hormones have a mind of their own. As I head back to the studio, I tell myself to “pull it together and stop acting crazy.” My pep talk didn’t do much…… I finished the show as a super unpleasant version of myself. I was a straight mess. Oh, and working in radio is really awesome because days like that are on podcast. Forever. Sweet.
Day 2: Midol.
There wasn’t enough Midol to get me through Tuesday, but I survived. By the way, if you’re a woman and you don’t use Midol….You.Are.Missing.Out. Midol makes everything better. I take it even if it’s not my time of the month. When feeling especially tired…….pop some Midol with a Mountain Dew and you’ll be golden. I don’t “officially” condone this concoction, as I know it’s not healthy and I’m the queen of health. Side note: If you haven’t checked out our chocolate cake blog post……you should do that next. Can you say HEALTHY??!!! Mmmm… I need some of that cake right now.
Anyway, our good friends had a baby on Monday, so on Tuesday afternoon my brother-in-law texts me about going to the hospital that night. While holding my friend’s baby, I realize how tiny and precious he is. I want a tiny baby. Should I make a break for it??? No. Don’t be stupid……. I’m not going to really take my friend’s baby. Thought about it though. Sorry. If these said friends happen to read this blog….. you can trust me around your kids. Promise.
As we leave the baby ward of the hospital………. I noticed all of the babies born that day. Geez. And this was just at one hospital. I tried not to get all Debbie Downer on myself, but I couldn’t help but wonder, “Seriously. Why can’t I just have a stupid baby?” Quick. Pop a Midol. Good night.
Day 3: Clomid.
Well, what do you know??? I got a call from a friend saying: “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!! And we weren’t even planning it!!!!!” Yay. Losers. Just kidding. They aren’t losers. I’m happy for them… duh! They weren’t even trying!!! That’s.Just.Great.News. I know you can’t tell by reading this, but deep down I truly am excited for them. For real.
I call my sister to vent. We both are crying and she decides to ask me about Clomid. Oh, Clomid?? You mean that bottle of pills I’ve had for….ev….er, but can’t bring myself to take??? While on the phone, I go grab the bottle and realize that I’m supposed to start Clomid on day 3 of my cycle. Ummmm… It’s day 3!!! Perfect. My sister: “Whoa. This is totally meant to be.” Me: “Okay, lets not get a head of ourselves…..this stuff might not work.”
I have reservations about Clomid because I just think that if I was meant to have a child in my belly….. it would happen on its own. I mean, Snooki has a baby……. surely my time will come, right? Clomid has me scared of conceiving multiples…not sure I could handle twins or triplets. Annnnnnnd then there’s all THESE side effects to deal with:
Hot Flashes – Bloating & Abdominal Discomfort – Weight Gain – Mood Swings
Nausea & Dizziness – Headaches – Abnormal Bleeding – Blurred Vision
Sounds awesome, right? I also have weird thoughts that in 20 years we may find out that babies born on Clomid are aliens. This is the stuff that keeps me up at night.
At times, I think that we aren’t ever going to have biological children. It’s just not something the Lord has in store for us. Adoption, however, is something He’s been very clear about and….. lucky for us….. that’s a great way to have children!!! Perfect. We feel called to adopt no matter what. Adoption is actually another blog post in itself. Ugh. Adoption. I get why they make the process difficult, but WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT? I have to check my fruit often when dealing with adoption: love.joy.peace.patience.kindness.goodness.gentleness.faithfulness.self-control. Repeat. Feel better.
To my future children by way of another mama…. we look forward to loving you. Caring for you. Holding you.
To my possible future children by way of Clomid that I JUST started taking… No, baby, of course mama doesn’t think you’re an alien.
To others going through anything similar to us right now… you are not alone.
Love and peace child,